Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! I am not very 'PC' but honestly I don't give a crap and really don't want to go around saying happy holidays so that I won't offend anyone. Come on, stop blubbering and deal with the semantics, it is nice to have one month out of the year when you can feel justified to talk to strangers and wish them well. See now, how sad is that, even 'merry christmas' requires a disclaimer in this crazy world we live in!

Considering the Christians (one random monk 1500 years ago who was placed in charge of deciding when Christ was probably born) dumped this holiday over the pagan winter solstice, you could say happy snowflake season and it would mean the same to me. This is the first year that I am going through the Christmas season with new eyes (having shattered my rose colored religious glasses this last year), and have to say it is a bit of a let down. For any of my Mormon family members who are now hyperventilating and dialing my ward bishop's office or the relief society president, please breathe and relax, I don't have a seat reserved in Hell yet. It is possible that critical thinking should not be applied to religion because they require one to have faith, but at this point in my life I am saturated with Santa, unicorns and Joseph Smith! I just want the truth. If tomorrow they find the North Pole or unearth a coin from ANY city claiming to exist in the Book of Mormon I will embrace the fat man in the red suit, kiss him square on the mouth and beg his forgiveness for my disbelief!

Back to the 'bit of a let down' I mentioned above.... I have to say it is really only a small bit of a let down, honestly I am ashamed to say that when I was a practicing Christian I must not have been a very good one. Christmas is pretty much the same as ever and I have realized that I never did really celebrate Christ during this holiday. When I was a child, I remember reading the story of the Christ child with my parents. Now as a parent, I look back and see that I have never once done the same with my girls. So ya, the moment of worry about how this Christmas will be different this year is kind of a mute point. Christmas for me is lights, family, good food, love, time with my girls and well a whole crap load of gifts and too much money spent!

Hell, whatever the season is to you.....I wish you all the best! Peace, Cami

Christmas Traditions

They say children learn by repetition, in fact its main purpose is to reinforce memory. Christmas traditions are a wonderful way of creating repetition for our children and families over the holidays. The sights, smells and sounds of the traditions we start will imprint memories for years to come. Even the simple ones, like the taste of egg nog, will bring back all the joy and love from years past.

My personal favorite is opening a new ornament on X-mas Eve, each person gets a new ornament to hang on the tree. My mother started this tradition when we were small, then as adults she gave us all of our ornaments for our family trees. I've loved this tradition and have carried it on with my girls.

Every family has traditions and no matter how simple they are, even if they don't cost a dime, don't underestimate their importance. In this crazy commercial era we are living in, I worry that traditions are dying away. Like compound interest, traditions compound love through memories over the years. They bring us back to footy jammies and laying awake waiting for Santa. They bond us to our siblings, awe us with gratitude and remind us why all of the hard work we do at Christmas time is worth it!

After all, without something to look forward to....What else is there? I won't be in footy jammies this year, but I will lay awake, not excited for Santa, but to see my girls open their gifts. In two years they won't remember what I gave them under the tree, they will remember laughing over the butterscotch pull-a-parts that we made Christmas morning....because we do it every year. :)

Twilight

Wow, went to the midnight showing of Twilight (thanks to sweet sister Summer) and I loved it! It was fascinating to see how many people were there and as in love with the book as I was. :) They had every theater showing the movie, plus they had another showing at 2:30! In our theater there were only three men and a very fun crowd of hyper horny women of all ages. You would have thought we were about to see men strip on stage the way they were acting.

The movie stayed true to the book and I really loved the actors they used. Edward was not exactly right, but part of the magic of the book was building him in your own mind as your own dream man. To their credit he was pretty damn close to my fantasies!

This author, Stephanie Meyer has a brilliant way of building an amazing amount of sexual tension without sex and my guess is that a lot of men last night were raped as their women got home from the movies! LOL... K, but seriously the energy there was palpable! Afterwards, standing around with the gals we went with, one of them said, "I'm going home and asking my husband to stick his hands in the freezer before he touches me!". We all had a good laugh and if you have no clue what I'm talking about, you better go see the movie! :)

As a final thought, I was very impressed with the fact that in our day of the "modern independent woman", we are still attracted to the protective side of a man. Guys, you should see this movie too, even if just to see what makes us tick!

Teenager Moment

Let me take a moment to vent about my teenager who I love so very #$%* much. *sigh* Ok, I was her age once and I remember dragging out of bed every morning and heading off to school, but twenty-one years is a long time and well maybe I don't remember it well enough to have sympathy for her. She hates it, hates school with a passion! Almost every morning the last couple of weeks she asks me if she can stay home, only once did I relent because I think she really didn't feel good. So every morning we argue before she leaves, which makes both of our days start out poopy! Her poor little sister is usually caught in the drama and so also has a wonderful start to her day...not.

Why? Why do I make her go? Is it for the education? *rolling my eyes at the public school system* Do I really hate her and just want to torture her? (that's what she thinks) Maybe I want her to suffer the pain I did in school, no that can't be it. Kids are so cruel to each other, that is the main reason I considered home schooling them.

The bottom line is... everyday of her whole adult life she will need to get up and go to work and sadly that is the best thing school does for our children. With the exception of a few brilliant, caring teachers who give a damn, school is merely conditioning for later life. Just a way to teach our kids how to cope with the day in day out blahs. In our society today with all of its modern conveniences, we just don't have enough at home to provide that kind of conditioning. Most of us don't live on farms where we can send teenagers out to do chores for hours on end, help plow a field or bring in a crop. Our basic survival now comes out of a tap, a grocery store and is handed to us. There is no cow in our back yard crying to be milked or hungry squawking chickens to feed. As long as a teenager knows how to operate a microwave they will not starve!

I think back to when I was a kid and remember all of the things that my parents did, (that at the time I hated) that contributed to my strong work ethic and I am grateful now. At the time getting out of bed on a Saturday morning to help rake leaves instead of watching cartoons really sucked, but now I understand my Dad and I hope I will be able to give my kids what he gave me. What I really wish I could do is take my teenagers to a third world country where school is a privilege and truly give them a sense of how much they have to be grateful for!

Anyway, any suggestions on how to get a burned out kid to school would be more than welcome!

So Proud

Tonight I am absolutely overwhelmed...can't find the right words, but just want to say how completely proud I am to be an American. America made the right choice tonight and I am honored to have been a part of that. Obama will be a powerful president!

Vote!

I voted today. I've voted in every election except one since I was old enough to vote. Today was different, can't tell you why or what triggered the feelings I experienced today as opposed to other years, but it was almost overwhelming. Hopefully if I spill my blog guts I can explain it to both of us. The line was long, of course I happened to go during lunch hour, doh! I shuffled my feet and listened to the older couple behind me complain about the line. I felt myself silently pulled into their complaint and felt annoyed. Looking at the crowd I was sure most of them were voting against my candidate and I wondered if my vote would matter anyway. I fought with myself and almost got out of line to come back later, if ever. In front of me stood a girl, maybe 18 or 19 (I'm sure it was her first time), she came alone, looked nervous but excited. So I decided to ignore ma and pa grumpybear and just enjoy the experience that only comes a few times in our lives.

The Early voting was held at the Ice Sheet (a new ice rink opened for the last winter Olympics here in Utah), and the line wrapped around the upper floor of the rink. A single woman was skating, tall windows behind her with our Rocky Mountains only yards away painted in autumn colors. Olympic flags draped the walls and the lights of the arena were low as she skated with her shadow. Chills went through me, through the glass that separated me from the floor made of ice. As she skated the line became quiet and I looked around to find everyone as mesmerized as I was. The virgin voter, ma and pa grumpybear and maybe thirty other voters. An image of the voting lines in Iraq flashed through my mind and I almost choked on the contrast. Iraq, where the voters were surrounded by armed guards to protect their new right to vote.

The right to have a voice, the right to decide who runs this country. As a woman with a great respect for women's suffrage, it would be criminal not to vote. Needless to say, I stayed in line and waited my turn and voted. :)

MSNBC yesterday used the term "the Walmart Women's vote" and so as offensive as that is (Yes I shop there LOL) I guess I have now been classified. Regardless of how we are grouped, we all have an equal say, one vote. One of the only times we are all on the same playing field.

And so like a dork I proudly wore my big red 'I VOTED' sticker for the rest of my errands all afternoon. Be proud, Use your voice, Vote!

For Lindsay :)

Sleep eludes me again

The dark princess beckons me
silky locks slip through my fingers
time crawls to find me watching

So beautiful just beyond my grasp
lashes bat to tease my cheeks
limbs move in stumbling protest

She twists away as I strain to see
arching her back slightly
morning winks from the curve

Early smells surround my twilight
as finally she comes to me
curling my mind with her spoon

A tear slides to kiss the pillow
as relief sweeps over me
aching need quenched by warm blankets

Then all too quickly hiding from light
stealing moments like diamonds
as dawn comes to take my princess

W

So I went to see "W." the movie, I wasn't going to but curiosity killed the cat person. I found myself checking the time and wishing it would end! Sorry Oliver it was boring. Freedom of speech is a beautiful thing, well most of the time, but definitely not this time. I don't want to live with blinders on like in the generation of JFK where everything a president does is completely hidden. No one is super-human and we shouldn't pretend that our leaders are perfect, BUT...there should also be some basic respect for the man or woman who is leading our nation.

If our children can't respect our president (I don't mean always agree with him), then why should we expect them to respect anyone? Hey wait they don't....not teachers, parents or even local authorities. I do believe that respect should be earned by every individual in each of those above mentioned positions, but what happened to the respect for the position they hold? Is there a middle ground? Or will the lack of respect growing in our children and future generations continue until civilization no longer resembles anything civil?

Back to the movie review. Ok, George W. Bush was a wild drinking spoiled rich kid who rarely took responsibility for his own actions (according to Oliver Stone). And as a president he has made some major mistakes, don't think anyone would deny that. But how can you make a movie about anyone and only portray the negative parts of his life? Ya, that was the point, but it was annoying and inaccurate. I want my eight dollars back! I suppose maybe it is just my personality to demand the truth, the whole truth and not a fraction of the picture.

Let me end with a couple of thoughts. Do you remember where you were and what you were doing on 9/11? Imagine now those feelings and pretend for a moment that you were our president as that happened. Go ahead, pick up a whole nation and make that boo boo all better. Then staying in your role as president, sit back and watch helplessly as citizens of your own country sit on their roof tops waving for help for days because Hurricane Katrina has taken their homes, their whole city. I could go on but I think you get the point and I don't think any of us would have wanted to be in his shoes over the last eight years. Regardless of how you feel about George W. Bush today, please remember he is/was our President and he was a big enough man to wrap his arms around a nation and remind us all that we would be strong enough to go on. And we did.

Tag I'm it....Seven Random Things

The first random thing about me is that my sis Cindy is having a birthday today! So I can't give her too much grief for tagging me. :)

Both of my now teenage girls were born in Las Vegas, NV. Well, after all it is 'Sin City' what did you expect me to do there? They are both amazing people!

My passion is painting, no not VanGogh-like masterpieces (although I do love Van Gogh), but walls...ya really. Not just painting, but restoring, renovating and decorating in general. Some chics color their hair to feel renewed....I paint a room.

I have owned two V.W. buses in the past and hope to restore a 1969 someday.

I love the smell of bounce, I mean obsessively love the smell...like can't go to sleep unless my pillowcase smells like it. If they ever stop making that original scent, I may have to commit suicide. :)

I have a dog, a weenie dog. I am not a dog person, I am a cat person damn it! She was supposed to be my daughter's dog, but when teenage princess got too busy the dog adopted me. Her name is Daisy Duke, she is well...short like the shorts. :) I'm not a dog person, did I mention that? She is colored more like a beagle, but she is a weenie. I'm not a dog person! I love her, she is my shadow.

Last but not least, I'm a whore for Ethiopian Coffee! :)

Body Worlds Exhibit

Last night we went to the most amazing exhibit! Definitely not for everyone, Body Worlds in their words... "Shows the complexity, resilience, and vulnerability of the human body through anatomical studies of the body in distress, disease, and optimal health". The whole show, if you have not heard about it, is actual human bodies and parts of the body that have gone through a preservation process called plastination. It is absolutely fascinating, see for yourself....

http://www.bodyworlds.com/en.html

In the past their was some controversy over the origin of the bodies for this type of exhibit, however this one had a very clear disclaimer that all of the bodies were donated with full consent and awareness of what they would be used for. In fact they had information on how you could sign up to donate if you were interested! The other main point of controversy is the basic respect for the human body and human life. I personally felt it was handled very respectfully with an attitude of medical research, exploration and education. I enjoyed the written displays almost as much as the bodies themselves. My Dad's favorite narration said....the human heart is the first organ to begin working and the last one to stop functioning.

Only once did the reality of the actual human bodies revolt me. They displayed the growth of a child in the womb, from 5 weeks after conception up until birth. The little bodies were beautiful but never made it into the world, as a mother it was upsetting and hard to see. After all I spend many months of my life obsessing over a small human life inside of me and making sure it arrived healthy.

The adult bodies were posed in these amazing athletic, graceful poses to show off every muscle, artery, tendon and bone. They were beautiful, artistic and absolutely fascinating! Parental discretion advised, nothing was hidden including sexual organs. My twelve year old went with us and she was ok with everything, of course she is very intelligent and mature, not sure I would have taken a child younger than that. It was a great learning experience for her and we talked about it the whole way home.

Of course needless to say, none of us could order ribs or steak at dinner afterwards! LOL

Soul mates ?

A soul mate...is there such a thing? I would like to believe there is but recently had a conversation with a friend who is very intelligent and whom I respect and so now I am questioning the logic of the whole idea of soul mates. See I have always believed I have one, from the time I was very young, he was the imaginary friend I couldn't talk to because he was just too far away, but I knew he was there. I honestly believe I can feel him sometimes when he is suffering or when he is happy. (Again you say...dang is this chic nuts or what? I'm sure you will think that in all of my blogs!) But seriously, I believe this as much as I believe the sun will rise in the morning. It is like part of who I am, ...no not like the crap about the "other half", I believe two whole people make a couple, I'm not looking for my other half. I mean the understanding that he is out there, that understanding is just part of me.

If feelings are actually just chemical reactions and our 'souls' are just our interpretation of the conscious mind, then can there be a mate? Ok but, even if we have no souls, and we are all only bits of energy (which we are), then why can't there be a frequency to that energy? And is that what we feel when we are in love, just a balancing frequency...Are we actually 'in tune' with that person in the literal sense? So why then can't there be one person on the planet that we are most perfectly in tune with? Of course if that is true the odds of finding that "one" are well...second to none! So in some form or another, it is possible in my book and as long as that is true then I can sleep better with my sanity intact. :)

I only know one couple who I believe found a soulmate in each other, that would be my cute little brother and his awesome wifey. (Fair warning if you two ever get divorced you will shatter my world....so just don't tell me K!!)

I used to take all of the wonderful pieces from each of the men I have loved in my life and imagine he would hold all of those qualities. But lately I have realized that the importance of all of those wonderful pieces are the way they shaped me and my concept of love. Like fine tuning a piano. Maybe that is why I haven't found him, I still need to actualize further up the food chain!

Even if I never find him, I will still cherish the love I have experienced and been given in my life....but it would be nice.

Teenagers! Arggg!

So today my very pretty fifteen year old had her lip pierced! Of course she went to a shop where I had to give my consent. Crazy parent? Maybe, but here I am with this great kid who tells me everything and actually comes to me with all the crazy questions a teenager has, and so what do I do when she asks if she can mutilate her body? I say yes. *sigh* And so here is where I justify my actions, to myself, to her and hopefully purge my soul through a blog...LMAO sorry couldn't keep a straight face on that one! Oh ya and God help me when MY parents see it!

A friend told me today that raising a teenager brings out the hypocrite in all of us and I tend to agree. At fifteen I had a mohawk, piercings, leather mini skirts...the whole bit and yet I beg her not to do the same? When I look back, I wouldn't change any part of my adolescents. I am grateful to be alive with all the crazy shit we pulled, but I wouldn't change it because it helped make me who I am. She has friends who pierce body parts in basements and end up with horrible infections because their strict Mormon parents won't allow them to get piercings. Face it teenagers will end up doing whatever they want, regardless of what we want!

See to me, it is like telling kids not to have sex and then not educating them or providing them protection from STDs and then these stupid parents are surprised when they have pregnant teenagers with venereal diseases! I managed a blood bank and believe me there is nothing beautiful about telling an 18 year old they have AIDS! I would rather have her be honest with me and not scared to talk to me. And yes I would hand her a box of condoms rather than raise her baby! I have morals and she knows where I stand, but I refuse to be naive and hide from this new world we are raising our kids in. Arm them, don't tie their hands.

Colin endorses Obama

Amen! Colin Powell, whom I respect very much just completed echoed my fears regarding the McCain/Palin ticket and endorsed Obama! Think my fence is tumbling! :)

The Debate

Finally today I had a chance to sit down and watch this last presidential debate. *Big Sigh* Ok so they both have good points on all of the key issues right now, but wouldn't it be nice if either one would answer any of the questions directly instead of just setting into their speeches instigated by the key topic in the question? And really aren't we all just completely saturated by the whole process!?! Does it really matter? If you are pro one or the other you are jumping up and down right now and saying, "of course it does!". I would say to that, if we paid as much attention to who we elect to the house and senate as we are paying to these two men, we may actually have a government that runs for the people. I admit, I am still on the fence but at the same time feeling defeated because my state will vote the way it has always voted and my voice won't really matter in the long run. November needs to get here and over with so we can focus on the real problems at hand and not the election!

As we enter a new era of economic uncertainty, who ever is in the white house will most likely be consumed with damage control over the next few years anyway and won't be able to accomplish all of the goals they are proposing. And then just like Regan and some of the great past presidents, we will not feel any positive affects from their accomplishments (if any) for many years. There is no quick bandaid to repair the current problems, no matter what either of them say on their soap boxes. Right now the country is in such a state of turmoil and division, I would be worried that who ever is put into office we may see riots and widespread civil unrest. For instance, Obama may be right about Detroit falling behind in the manufacturing of the more energy efficient cars, but pointing a finger at this struggling institution that helped build our country can not be a positive move. He is right that these companies should be accountable, but at the same time he didn't even pause or offer any suggestions as he rolled over that topic in the debate. So it's ok to bail out wall street but "Detroit" needs to get their shit together? I have family in Michigan and they are all very passionate about their industry, comments during a debate like that...when all of America is already suffering is out of line.

Like I said I am still on the fence, this is not an Obama bashing, most of what he says makes a lot of sense and I do respect that he is a brilliant man. McCain has used up all of my patience with his Obama bashing and is just coming across as an angry old man anymore. I respect the hell out of his trials and do see him as a great American. But just because someone is a great American doesn't mean he will be a great president. By the way I started this race as a McCain supporter, but just because Alaska likes Sarah Palin doesn't mean I want her running the country if something happens to him. Not sure about his choice of running mates, just following the approval ratings don't work for me, seems a bit lemming-like. Overall I felt the debate was a lot of what we have already heard and wished I had spend those 90 minutes elsewhere!

The Market

Hooray for the stock market today, up 11% *twitching, cringing and biting nails*! What is that all about? For weeks now we have watched in horror as the crazy financial firestorm wiped out everyone's life savings and then we bounce over 900 points in one day! Are some of these funds being pumped in finally hitting the mark? I really doubt confidence has been restored yet, and we know the mortgage "ball out", sorry "bail out" hasn't had time to be thrown into action, so what then?

Hopefully it will stick and we won't see it dive again tomorrow. I heard the plan for guaranteeing loans between banks was the key for today's recovery. Whatever the reason, it is completely disturbing that our economy is so fragile! And more disturbing that many saw it coming but didn't do anything about it! I was so overwhelmed and in such a daze by last friday, almost traumatized, like I wanted to grab the man next to me in the grocery store and yell, "How can you just stand there man, don't you know our whole world is coming to an end!!". Then of course sain Cami smacked me upside the head and I bought the milk and escorted myself out!

Ok but really, doesn't all of this shit scare the crap out of you? I mean our grandmothers tell us horror stories of the depression, but for a moment picture our country today in that state. The current violence and population differences between then and now are astronomical.

If anything good comes of this for me it is awareness or my previous lack there of. I've always thought I should have food/water storage in case the 'big earthquake' hits, but now I see that disaster could come in so many forms. Either way, I'm on it! And no more of this hiding from the news, negative or not, awareness is better than the bliss of ignorance. Bliss can blindside even the strong! "Damn those happy thoughts (shaking my fist, with my best homer simpson voice) !" Ok friends I'm off to dream of little dow graphs on an upward trend. Peace, Cami

Getting Started....

So wow, Cami finally gets going in this crazy blogging generation! Such an odd concept at first glance, a journal or diary if you will that is shared with the world. A modern version of the debate class in high school, a forum for opinuendo. And yet here I am blogging....a term in itself that sounds like something so many years ago should only be spoken of in whispers in the brothel hallways of a salon.

This seems like the perfect time to get started, there are only a billion crazy things going on in the world. Finding myself with more time on my hands I have turned on the news for a couple of hours a day and honestly have been blown away by everything going on. Most of it makes me want to crawl into a cabin somewhere in the backhills! On the other hand, I find it amazing how out of touch I have been and how much I NEED to catch up on and so I am jumping in without paddles and hope to get a better understanding of what is out there.

I want to know how everyone else is feeling and what they are doing about it all, so please feel free to comment, correct me or even beat on me. I'm pretty tough...LOL...I can take it! Remember Honesty ranks right up there with Oxygen for me, even if it hurts, I would rather have the truth!